Inner Whizdom

Sometimes my default reaction to a question or challenge is deer-in-the-headlights panic that I know nothing and will be found out as a fraud. If I can give myself a little time and space the fear dissipates and my sense returns. It helps to remember that the answers I’m being asked for are smart human-sized, not complete detailed solutions to world economic collapse. I don’t have to have everything all figured out by myself immediately.

I am a smart human. Fear just shuts off my brain. If I can let it pass I have access to my wisdom again. And that’s enough.

I was fortunate that the tragedies of 9/11 did not affect me personally.  I did not know anyone who died.  I’m assuming that’s why, 7 years later, I don’t have much personal connection to the date. My heart goes out to those who lost family and friends and their lives, and I honor those who are in service to our country (even though I disagree strongly with the administration).

There was a sign in my office yesterday that said, “Remember 9/11 and never ever forget.” I’m not sure what I’m supposed to remember. That extremists committed terrorist acts? That thousands lost their lives for no reason?

I don’t want to feel pain and fear every September 11th. I don’t want to put those thoughts out. How can I use this rememberance to serve love and bring peace?

I told someone this morning that I thought the reason I was working at this particular job was to learn that I was multi-talented and respected. I feel that way once in awhile. Why does it go away?

I have not been feeling very wise recently.

I’ve been angry and defensive and felt like running away.

I suppose I’m s’posed to accept this icky, small-minded, puny, uncomfortable me before I can let it go.

Blecch. Not there yet.

I just got back from an event that went exceedingly well. I got lots of praise and people told me again and again how much they were enjoying it.

I also heard some indirect references to complaints and things that could be improved. Of course! That goes with the territory and that’s how we learn. But a part of me is grasping for the negative, holding it close, and practically cherishing the pain.

Why am I making imagined judgment more important than displayed appreciation? I am choosing the way I see this. I am using a filter that does not serve me.