As the fear rose inside me I surrendered it to the Holy Spirit using phrases I’d learned from Marianne Williamson and A Course in Miracles. I asked for peace. I asked to be part of Love (which I know I am already, but often forget). I forgave myself and others. It’s sort  of like rote chanting– something to do to replace the rising fear and defensiveness. I don’t feel holy or anything special as I’m saying these things to myself. It’s just to neutralize the fear. The intention is enough.

And it works. When there is no fear there is openness. I can receive love and connection. I can recognize good ideas that turn around bad situations. I experience miracles.

Sometimes I’m more courageous when I’m completely out of my element.

I got my first Mac, an SE, in 1987. It had a 20 mb hard drive and cost $2300. I still have the giant carrying case I bought for it.

Thank you Steve Jobs and all of the creative people who gave us these magnificent machines.

I know that Barack Obama is a human being, and I don’t want to burden him with my expectations. But I’m very hopeful. Everything I hear about his philosophy and approach is meaningful to me. Responsibility, listening, coming together, our better angels. I believe in this direction.

One of my Facebook Friends posted that she couldn’t wait until 1/20/13.  I felt kicked in the chest when I read that. This is a person with whom I shared my shock when Bush won the 2004 election. I know that she is a religious conservative. I wanted to try to understand how others could feel so differently from me.

I guess it’s time to do that again (and continuously).

It sort of surprises me and pleases me to hear it. I like being that person. I’ve sometimes added, “You can trust that I mean what I say.”

I grew up in a family of second guessers and have had trouble believing that people say what they mean. We were suffering martyrs who said yes in a way that made you suspect we really meant no.

This makes me crazy.

I’m not sure that I NEVER do things I don’t want to do, but I sure like that thought. How powerful is that! Everything I do is something I’ve chosen to do. I will strive to make it so.

It happened to occur on the same day that I had a conversation with a woman who has a side business called “Has God Given You A Great Business Idea?”

Sometimes my ideas cool down and I don’t follow through.  This one seems to have legs. I want to make it happen.  I’m also very excited to be partnering with my best cousin. I think we will make a great team.

2009 will be the year for our killer app, code name: Starbox.

I am a smart human. Fear just shuts off my brain. If I can let it pass I have access to my wisdom again. And that’s enough.

It was very low key and soft sell. I wasn’t pressured. This is probably a fine venture for some people.

But for me it mostly felt as though I was trying to understand a foreign culture. In this world the only purpose of work was to make money. There was no place for fulfillment of any other kind. That only comes from having the money.

The product they were selling was a way of doing sales. You sell other people the opportunity to sell. The products anyone buys are relatively unimportant. It’s the way they buy them.

Now granted, I am a dreadful salesperson. I’m good at customer service but lousy at asking for money. I would starve to death if I had to sell for a living. So this is not the opportunity for me. And, probably, why I don’t understand it better.

But it repulses me a little, the idea of doing something only to get paid.

That lasted for an hour or so. I started feeling twinges of yuck about the whole mess and finally looked online and documented all the payments and blah blah blah then called their “customer service” department, steeling myself for another fight.

Instead I got a pleasant man named Rocky who looked at the records and agreed to remove the finance charges. Just like that! I was a little off balance because I was ready to be aggressive but his demeanor diffused some of that. And instead of being an asshole myself I just asked him to please make the charges disappear and he said okay.

Thank you Rocky (he must be a new hire from one of the banks that went under).

I’m proud of myself for facing the fear and for trying a pleasant approach before getting defensive.

I’m revving up my love generator as an antidote.  Fear of the unknown does nobody any good.