Inner Whizdom

I’m making myself crazy imagining that a co-worker is judging everything I say. He’s probably not paying any attention, or else he wonders vaguely why I stammer.

HE isn’t doing anything to me. I’M the one who is judging myself!

It doesn’t help that he looks like Don Draper on Mad Men.

My friend, Robin Picard, is working in Kenya for Doctors Without Borders and has just started a blog to tell her observations and impressions. I’m so impressed with her and love hearing of her adventures. I recommended it highly. http://blog.somethingisbetterthannothing.com/

I have not been feeling very wise recently.

I’ve been angry and defensive and felt like running away.

I suppose I’m s’posed to accept this icky, small-minded, puny, uncomfortable me before I can let it go.

Blecch. Not there yet.

Why do we feel shame for wanting what we want? Deep desire is the engine of the universe. We deserve fulfillment.

I just got back from an event that went exceedingly well. I got lots of praise and people told me again and again how much they were enjoying it.

I also heard some indirect references to complaints and things that could be improved. Of course! That goes with the territory and that’s how we learn. But a part of me is grasping for the negative, holding it close, and practically cherishing the pain.

Why am I making imagined judgment more important than displayed appreciation? I am choosing the way I see this. I am using a filter that does not serve me.